I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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