Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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