....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
