Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
