k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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