how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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