The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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