why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
