You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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