I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
