Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we made out on top of his cat.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
