return my video game
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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