The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
last night I used snow as a chaser
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