and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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