i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
