I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
