i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
