Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
