i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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