did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
