K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
