I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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