I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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