he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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