his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I want a musical about memes.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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