he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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