I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Boobs speak an international language.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
