Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
