i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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