When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize