I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
