She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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