wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Randomize
