I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
