i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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