Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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