he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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