I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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