just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
