shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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