we made out on top of his cat.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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