I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
