So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
