I wish I could teleport
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
