Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
