Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I smell stomach acid.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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