Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
