Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
