You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
