the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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