There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
