I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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