i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
