I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
