There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
