Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
