At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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