You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize