How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
