Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
