Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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