We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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