I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
