I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
