Plan B is the new Plan A
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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