I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You made out with two different species that night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
