so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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