I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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