We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
