All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
