I looked at my own cervix.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
