so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
