you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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