Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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