I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
