DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
