The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
