i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
