they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
