I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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