Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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