and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
