I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's Friday. Sex?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
