I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
