first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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