I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
