Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
