So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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