The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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