The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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