I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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