I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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