I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
