Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This is the prime rib incident all over again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
