Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
