If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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