I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my shit smells like andre
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
