i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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