Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
