That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
