i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
