Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
