I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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