i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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