coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
