The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Are these your boobs on my camera?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
