it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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