LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
