dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
