if i can run in heels then i can drive
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
