You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
