Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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