My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
