Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
false alarm. still invincible.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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