you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Your shirt... Was in my pants
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
