just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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